ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
