I just threw up on my dentist
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
