can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Drake has all the answers
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize