I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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