so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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