I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize