dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
