i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
