literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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