Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
