after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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