I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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