i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
