Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
