you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
