Sponge bath it is.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
