So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
