So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
