i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
