You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
