So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
