i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
