he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize