i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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