It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
