I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
