your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
