I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize