New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
