It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
