Please, let me fuck your mom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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