The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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