I think im going to throw up on grandma
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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