She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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