ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
