Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
