Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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