Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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