Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
