i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
