i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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