If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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