I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
