yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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