Fuck appropriateness.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
