We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
