I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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