sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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