he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
