i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
