You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
