If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
