Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
