I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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