god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize