Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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