Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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