I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
