if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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