Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
