i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
