One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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