We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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