I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
