You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
