brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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