Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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