Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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