dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
