the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
