I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
