If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
