I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
