Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
