don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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