Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
