my vag is so smooth its legendary
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize