the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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