So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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