I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The Olympian is in my bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
