Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
