when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
