you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was like eating out sand paper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
