# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
