Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just gift wrapped bread.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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