we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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