Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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